Look 'em in the eyes...

Today's blog is about a recent observation I've made regarding communication.  If you know me, you know I'm a talker, a listener, a question asker, and story teller.  I like to make sure that people feel involved in the conversation and I also want them to know I'm interested and listening to what they say. This, however, leaves me with my most recent observation- the awkwardness and overthinking involved with making eye contact.

Growing up, I was always taught to look at someone when they were speaking to you.  More importantly, look someone in the eye- it was a sign of respect, showed you were listening, and was 'good manners.'  In fact, I'm pretty sure on an occasion or two this was shouted at me after I'd done something to get myself in trouble and was feeling a bit embarrassed, hanging my head waiting to hear my punishment- "Look at me when I'm talking to you!"   

As an adult, I notice on a regular basis that a lot of people don't look you in the eyes when they are speaking to you, or when you are speaking to them.  Why?  Had they missed out on the fine Southern manners I was taught?  Are they distracted and not listening fully?  Are they nervous, perhaps not comfortable with making that level of contact or connection?  OR, am I just talking too much?

As a person who always looks you in the eye when you speak to me, I can understand why some people opt not to. Have you ever noticed that it's hard to look someone in both eyes, at the same time?  You usually end up looking at just one of their eyes or alternating between their left and right eyes.  Or worse, you stare in between their eyes at the space above their nose and between their eyebrows.  Awkward.  Do you think they can notice that I'm having trouble deciding where to look?  AND- when in a loud bar or space where it's difficult to hear, I find myself looking at someone's mouth instead of making eye contact. Is that rude? 

Sometimes I find myself concentrating so hard on making sure to look 'em in the eyes, that I actually don't hear what the person is saying.  I find myself being so concerned about making sure the person speaking to me knows that I am interested and listening that I focus too intently. But, I truly am interested and want to concentrate with my full attention.  I've also found that when I transition to the lip reading gaze, it makes people unnecessarily uncomfortable and begin to skim their teeth with their tongue as if they have food caught in their teeth. Sorry! Just trying to be sure I know what you're saying.

These types of observations are what fascinates me about social interaction and communication.  Everyone has their style, their way. That's what makes us unique and interesting and keeps us talking.  Gotta love human interaction and all of the wonderful and awkward things that go along with it. 

So next time you find yourself telling a story or deep in conversation, pay attention to your interaction style.  Do you go for the single eye stare?  The above-the-nose gaze?  The back and forth gander? What's your style?

-Whitney

Sponsored by the letter 'F'

Recently, Mike and I had a small group of wonderful people over to our sweet little condo on the beach to enjoy some food, friendship, and F-U-N!  It was Memorial Day, and although not a day of 'celebration' per se, we enjoyed having some people we hold dear over for a little playtime in the sunshine.

I've found that at 31 years and counting, I have so much more appreciation for the aforementioned 'F' words and realize how valuable they are.  As a youngster and adolescent- even as a college student- I think I (really, we all) took forgranted the fact that friendships won't always be as close or strong or easy to keep.  Fun gets better and takes on new meaning as a hard-working adult.  And, I have to say, my food horizons have been greatly expanded since the days of Boston Market side items and left over Panera sandwiches. 

I'm so thankful for the wonderful friends I've made here in the Nutmeg State and on my journey to end up here.  I'm reminded of so many great Memorial Days past and the wonderful friends old and new that I've spent them with.  In reflection, I realize how much this mean as an adult.  How much work they take, and how steadfast they can be despite time and distance.  Instead of a class of 400 of my 'closest friends', I'm now able to maintain friendships that are meaningful, built on mutual interests and activities, and able to withstand differences, debates, and periods of quiet and time apart.  Ahhhh...

Gathered 'round the table

Ryan and Sarah- yeah!

Thumbs up for Adam and Liz

Back to the food.  Mike put together our new, grown-up GRILL the day before the big day-o-fun so we were able to grill it up with some of our favorite cook-out foods.  I made some delicious burgers (if I do say so myself) and BBQ chicken, and we grilled up the other favs including brats, dogs, corn on the cob, and so much more.  Nothing kicks off the start of summer like a good grill shesh.  I love a good cookout where people brign a dish or two because it's a great way to try new and interesting food, experience other people's traditional cookout food, and most importantly... chow down! 

Some of the yummy food

The day was spent playing in the sand here at Walnut Beach in Milford.  We had a little frisbee action, some ladder ball,  splash time in the ocean, a lovely walk on the boardwalk, and several rounds of Flugel and Beer Pong to round out the evening.  It's funny how the simple, inexpensive, outdoor things are the go-to fun these days. I'm happy to exchange elaborate plans, expensive trips or tickets, and stress of must-have fun for the simplicity of a beach towel, a frisbee and a deck of cards.  These are the things our parents always told us about, right? It's not the places or the stuff... it's the people and the experiences.

I'm looking forward to a summer filled with more Food, Friends, and lots of F-U-N!  Cheers to the incredible 'F' words in your life!

All the best,
Whitney