Take advantage and make the best

A mind dump of thoughts today:

Sometimes ignorance really is bliss, because getting lost in your thoughts can be the mirror in your face that you've been avoiding.

Take advantage of every chance you have to be with family; tell them you love them; forgive them of wrong doings; indulge the lengthy repeat story teller.  I think the same goes for friends.  We all know the cliche, life is short, but in reality, it is short.  We don't have forever, and we are missing out on things by not making the effort.

Some of us are blessed to live 30+ years without losing anyone, while others suffer loss beginning at a very early age.  For me, it's easy to get caught up in the day to day and to 'trust' that the people I love know I love them, despite my not calling or writing for some time.  Well, that's complacent and that's lazy.  It's easy for me to say that I can't fit it all in when I travel home and I'll try to see 'you' on my next trip.  That's also lazy and selfish. 

And then, when the time comes, that next trip is too late.  I've missed the baby birth, the birthday, the final days of a grandparent's life.  Considering the latter, will he know that I loved him, despite not being in touch for some time?  Was it enough to send my love through my Dad at holidays and birthdays, instead of calling myself?  Was I being spiteful because he didn't reach out to me for years?  These are tough questions.  And there are no good answers. 

My memories are faded and I feel sorry for that.  The stories I have to tell date back some 10+ years, because it's been that long since memories were made.

All I can do is the best I can, try a bit harder, and hope that others forgive my misgivings.

 I suppose the dark skies and rain are fitting for my mood today.
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On a lighter note, I'm happy to report the Darcy the goat-dog wonder pup has gone a full 3 days without eating anything she's not supposed to, and she is beginning to settle in a bit.  Now, of course, when I get home, this could be out the window, but as of this morning when I left, she was in this position... waiting for Mike to return home (that will be a long 8+hour wait) after he left for work.

Yep- she's pushed her crate over, climbed up, and is perched on the desk to see out.

 yours,
whitney

Reflection and thanks

Brace yourselves- this could be a rambling...

To say that I am overwhelmed is an understatement. I am in awe of the showing of love and support by so many friends and family as I set out to conquer the Long Island Sound tomorrow with the Seagurls.  Thanks are not enough to express my gratitude.  I am so proud to be surrounded by such an incredible group of people and to swim for such a worthy cause.  This sense of family and community makes me feel at home while I'm away.

Yesterday, my Uncle Tommy passed away.  He went peacefully and unexpectedly in his sleep.  This news hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was plugging along at work, lost in my world of nerves and excitement when I received the phone call.  Nothing prepares you for that.  But, what I find so incredible and moving about the way this went down is that the tears and heartache came instantly.  Instantly, I was gutted and weak in the knees listening to my Dad weeping as he shared the news.  The strength and power of one emotion can move so quickly.  I was powerless over my emotions and that was actually a great feeling.  In a strange way, it felt so good to feel so bad, to feel so emotional at this news.  It reminded me of how important loved ones are and how often we get lost in the day-to-day without really recognizing this.

My intention is not to drag out the sadness of the day, but to reflect on how incredible emotion and love can be.  I haven't seen my Uncle Tommy in about 2 years.  Living up here makes visiting difficult and it's hard to get all family members in the same place when I am home.  We didn't talk on the phone or write letters or anything of the sort over the last two years.  We simply have not been in touch aside from checking in with my Dad and Grandma about each other.  That doesn't take away an ounce of love or connection that I felt for him.  I was so overcome with emotion yesterday and so sad, but at the same time I was so thankful to have had him in my life for 32 years.  I am so thankful to come from a family that remains so close and connected despite distance or frequency of visits.

What's more, is that every family member that was in Florida stopped what they were doing, left work, left home and drove to be together.  The rallied around each other.  They put aside petty disputes and came together.  That's what you're supposed to do, right?   It was so touching.  I wish for everyone to experience the connection we have with their own families. 

So to bring this full circle, I am also reflecting today on the power and strength of the family I have built outside of my d.n.a.  The outpouring of love and support shown by so many people for the Seagurls (not just me, but our whole team) is amazing.  We handed in our checks last night at the race meeting and we've raised over $12,000 so far for cancer treatment and support.  Are you kidding me?! $12,000!!!  Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would raise that much money and be able to transition that into so many lives waiting to be touched by this support.  So many people shared sentiments about their loved ones that have been touched by cancer.  I have read and re-read your comments, your encouragement, and I will be channeling that as I swim my rotations tomorrow.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

With love,
Whitney

Time Flies... whether it's fun or not

Good Morning!

I'm going to keep this brief today (I hope), but wanted to reflect on something I was reminded of yesterday.  I have now lived in Connecticut for 5 years.  This seems almost surreal to me.  In some ways it seems like only yesterday that I was loading up that Penske truck and leaving my beloved Greensboro, my dearest friends, and a place I finally felt home to make this big trek North.  I cried and cried.  I stayed up all night with Amanda, Tommy, Abby, John, the night before I left wishing I didn't have to go.  Why had I chosen to live in a place with no Chick-fil-A, no proper biscuits, no southern charm, no air conditioning, and no family?   

The truth is, I didn't have to leave, but in true Whitney style, I was on the search for the next thing, the next adventure, the next challenge.  And, boy oh boy did I find it.  CT had plenty more in store for me than I ever imagined.  I figured this would be a 1-2 year move and I'd find myself back in NC in no time to settle in to my old life.  Wrong.  As I said, 5 years and counting and I have no plans to leave any time soon.

In 5 years, I've moved five times (ugh!), I've had two jobs, I've taken trips of a lifetime (Ireland, Spain, Hungary, San Francisco, San Diego, Vail, and more), I found CrossFit, and made friendships I cherish.  I've also missed countless birthdays for those I love, missed out on holidays with family and friends, missed a few friend's weddings and baby births, and missed amazing accomplishments by some of my favorite campers from NC.  It's bittersweet really.  Sometimes I wonder how this Florida girl has made it this long up here in the Nutmeg State.  It certainly wasn't my plan.  But then again, that's what I get for trying to make the plan.

Here I am, August 3rd, 2011, reflecting on all of the lessons learned, the good and the bad.  I wouldn't trade it.  I've built a place for myself here in this crazy fast paced state.  I have wonderful friendships and relationships with people I consider as close as family.  I feel like a real grown up now. Despite missing my family terribly and longing to be closer to my NC peeps, I feel settled.  I think I'll stay a while longer here in the Northeast, despite the terrible drivers, bad manners, lack of air conditioning. (I kid, I kid... kinda). 

So, Nutmeg State, if you'll have me, I'll stay a while.  Here's to another 5 years... and to hopes for more family visits and far away friend time.

Yours in reminiscing,
Whitney